It's cooler out than expected and breezy, every leaf shimmering with movement. We've had a relatively hot several days so the cool is welcome; it gives me time to get more water into the ground before another round of heat. Forecast temperatures of 2C above the recorded highs for the area have shown up, though they keep the same distance day by day ( Read more... )

Talked to the trauma counselor I got through the work line today. Every counseling thing through the work line is very goal-focused. We're supposed to set our goals. There's the usual stuff about how to ground out of distress.

Thing is, I think there's a more intellectual/philosophical issue going on. I think I'm bumping up against "lacks ( Read more... )

I've been running full speed except when taken down by vaccine or medication stuff, trying to recover from losing so much weekend time. I was feeling stretched awfully thin, but the butcher called and postponed, he'd going to come next weekend instead of this weekend. Suddenly everything looks possible again.

The tomatoes are in the ground. The ( Read more... )

I guess June is just gonna be this way.

It came in with a medication issue and a lost weekend, continued with continuous retriggering of stuff I thought was fine for me (because of Canadian genocidal stuff, boo), had a bunch of farm losses in traumatic ways, went through last weekend's second vaccination just completely flattened and lost some more ( Read more... )

Well. That was kind of awful, two weeks of terrible mental stuff instead of the two weeks of joyful planting I was hoping to have.

On the other hand, last night we got a very very light frost and if I had planted out my melons they would have been toast.

It's interesting to see the frost patterns: in town it was a heavier frost and out here it was ( Read more... )

Whatever is going on with my head has been a pretty substantial problem.

Best guess is that some stuff with partners + covid instability + residential school abuse being everywhere has been putting me in a constant people-aren't-safe/no-one-has-my-back/the-world-is-never-kind trigger state. I've been crying. A lot. I pass two memorials to the ( Read more... )

Abuse is such a solitary experience. It doesn't exist if there's trust in people in the world around you to help, to make things better. You only stay if you know you're otherwise alone.

I'm used to carrying that early feeling of aloneness. I'm used to reaching out to connect anyways. I'm used to that part of myself, to those experiences, being a ( Read more... )

So the reason I started antidepressants was that we (family doctor and I) are trying to figure out why I get so ridiculously tired in the week before my period. Like, worried-I'm-going-to-die-from-being-too-tired-to-breathe tired. The one I went on helped what was evidently depression, but I still get tired. Blood tests tried, everything seems to ( Read more... )

Today I can hopefully take the tiller in to get it looked at. Josh says it's probably the carburetor.

In the meantime my plan is to plant spinach and grain, and maybe pick up a bale of straw for the pigs tonight.

Planting continues: I got the rest of the melon seeds into pots yesterday, and hopefully by the end of today I'll have the squash done.

Josh ( Read more... )

Neurotypical folks announce where they're going, what they're doing there, and how long they think it'll take whenever they do something to whoever is nearby. Get up off the couch? Announce. Walk into another room? Announce.

I hate this and find it hella exhausting and also triggering for my PDA (the announcement causes an expectation/ demand that ( Read more... )